Anko Mitarashi, LD (Test!)
by The Digger
Summary: Whenever a helpless loser's having trouble with his/her love life, he/she has one place to turn for help: Anko Mitarashi, Tokubetsu Jounin, and Love Doctor! These are the stories of Anko, and the love lives she's saved across Konoha and beyond *Test series! Feedback is very much needed!*
1. Chapter 1

**This is a rough pilot chapter for an idea that I hope to become a full-fledged series. And for those of you wondering, no, this is NOT intended to be in any way connected to SE:AMS.**

**Also, know that this chapter is to serve as more of a 'prologue' or 'pilot' more so than a true first chapter to this series. **

**Lastly, my thoughts on the writings you're about to view are... shaky at best, so I would deeply appreciate all the feedback I can get; not only do I need to know whether or not others would actually read this, but I also want to know what you think I did right, what I did wrong, how you think it could be improved, what would you like to see come out of this, etc. In other words, I require more detailed feedback than just 'good' or 'like it.'**

**With all that said and done... enjoy!**

* * *

Anko was enjoying herself a nice, post-mission celebration by herself at the local Konoha nightclub, taking a big swig of sake, and occasionally getting up to dance with the crowd, steal herself a kiss from a few men (and a few women), before returning to the front of the bar to get some more sake. Though, as she asked for thirds, she spotted someone next to her who she never expected to see in this nightclub.

"Iruka?" She greeted him. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, hi, Anko." Iruka waved slightly. "Just figured I'd try something new tonight." He shrugged.

"Something new, huh?" Anko smirked. "You mean you're looking for a lady, am I right?"

"No, nothing like that!" Iruka shook his head, turning red in the face. But Anko knew better. It was obvious, he was totally looking for a lady friend!

"Sure." She replied sarcastically. "What else would you be here for, then?"

"The atmosphere. The music. The drinks..." Iruka reasoned, but he knew these were rather feeble excuses.

"Sure." Anko said again, just as sarcastically. "So, what kinda girl are ya into?"

"Someone... nice, I guess." Iruka shrugged, scanning the bar. "Mmm... someone like... like that." He pointed out a woman around the corner who seemed to be a little bit bored, though no less eager to be there."

"Her, huh?" Anko raised an eyebrow, examining her. Her brown hair was pulled back in a long ponytail, her clothing loose-fitting, yet showed off her womanly features quite nicely. "Yeah, she looks pretty nice. Go for her?"

"Huh?"

"Well, you like her, right?" Anko prodded. "So go get 'er!" Despite her words of encouragement, Iruka didn't move from his seat, instead fidgeting with the rim of his glass. "What're you waiting for?"

"I uh... I've never done this before, Anko." Iruka sighed.

"Oh, don't be like that." Anko rolled her eyes. "Just go talk to her. I'll be your wingman if you want."

"Um... okay." Iruka shrugged, getting up to sit in the chair next to the ponytailed woman. "Uh, hello. How are you doing?" He cast a brief glimpse at Anko, who in a quick nod confirmed he was doing things right.

"I'm doing fine, I suppose." The woman replied awkwardly. "You are...?"

"Iruka Umino." Iruka answered quickly, offering her his hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"And you too, I suppose." The woman answered, shaking hands with him.

"I saw you checkin' out my friend here, so I figured you two should talk with each other a bit." Anko interjected.

"Right. Um..." Iruka muttered, rambling under his breath, looking for the right words to say.

"Just talk nice to her, make a little small talk." Anko whispered helpfully.

"Uh, so... you look really pretty tonight..." Iruka spoke up, going very red in the face, fidgeting in a manner that reminded Anko very strongly of Hinata Hyuuga. "And uh, I... you come here often? I wouldn't think a nice girl like you would, but..."

"Actually, I come here all the time." The woman replied. "Kana Mutake, by the way. I work with the Land of Wind Embassy, and this is the closest place where I can go to unwind." However, the way she said these words made Anko think that she was rather uncomfortable with Iruka's intrusion, though of course Iruka was oblivious to this tidbit.

"Ah! I see." Iruka said, louder than he meant to. "The embassies, huh? That's interesting. I teach at the Ninja Academy, I come here sometimes to unwind too."

"The Ninja Academy? Isn't that almost all the way on the other side of the village from here?"

"Well, yes, but... You know, when I get the chance..." Iruka rambled.

"And I think I'd remember seeing someone like you around here." Kana commented.

"_She's about to get mad..." _Anko thought. _"He's bothering her, boring her, and lying to her. No way she's gonna keep talking to him at this rate!" _

"Ah, look; this has been uh... fun, but I just remembered, I have somewhere I need to be right now." Kana spoke up. "So uh, I think I should just... go do that." Just as Anko thought, she was looking for every excuse to be away from this dork.

"C'mon, Anko! Help me out!" Iruka whispered through his teeth. Anko gestured to the bartender for a few drinks, which the snake woman passed over to Iruka, who took the hint.

"Sorry." He said, taking up a beer bottle. "Let's start over, please? My name's Iruka, and I'd like to offer you a drink." He offered her another bottle, which she pleasantly accepted, the two giving cheers before taking a swig of ice cold beer. "Sorry if I got off to a bad start with you."

"No problem." Kana shook her head. "You seem like you don't do this kind of thing very often." Iruka felt like the nail Kana hit on the head struck right through his chest. "You don't have to try so hard, you know."

"Oh. Yeah, I've never really been to this kind of place before." Iruka confessed. "I just wanted to make a good impression."

Anko grinned, knowing that he had things down to the point that he didn't need her help anymore. "See ya later, lover boy." She whispered, getting up to leave.

"Wait! Not yet!" Iruka turned desperately, gripping the edge of her coat, Kana blinking unsurely at this scenario. "I still need your help."

"Not really. You're at the point where you can handle this yourself." Anko grinned.

"Who's that?" Kana asked. "She's not your girlfriend, is she?"

"Nope. Just a friend of his." Anko replied.

"Oh, okay. Do you want to stop by my house later, then?" Kana offered to Iruka, who cast one subtle glance at Anko, who nodded to him.

"Ah, sure. I'm up for whatever." Iruka replied casually.

"_Well, my work here is done!" _Anko smirked, turning away from the couple and leaving the club.

* * *

The next day, Anko walked past the Ninja Academy on her way back to her apartment, thinking almost immediately of Iruka and the girl he was with last night, curious as to how things went for them.

Funnily enough though, she got her answer pretty quickly, as the academy let its students out just moments ago, the teachers now packing up to leave, Iruka among some of the first to leave.

"Sup!" Anko greeted him with a strong slap on the back, winding the scar-nosed teacher.

"Oh, Anko! Good to see you again." He greeted her pleasantly.

"You seem awfully happy today." Anko smirked. "How'd things go with your lady friend last night?"

"They did great!" Iruka smiled. They walked through town, Iruka explaining to Anko what all happened with him and Kana after she left; Kana had given him a napkin with her home address written on it, before finishing things up at the embassy where she worked and meeting up with him in a more... intimate setting.

From there, things only got more and more steamy, to the point that Kana couldn't help but ask if Iruka wanted to take things into the bedroom. However, this was where the fun stopped.

"You refused her?!" Anko snapped.

"I couldn't do it!" Iruka pleaded. "I just... I got too nervous, and on top of it being so... so spur of the moment? I mean... would you? If a man asked you to have sex?"

"Yes!" Anko replied definitively. "That's how these things work. It's called a 'one-night stand.'"

"I was looking for something more along the lines of a meaningful relationship." Iruka sighed.

"Then a bar is NOT the place to go."

"Well... regardless, I don't want things to end here." Iruka said seriously. "She's a very nice person, and I'd hate to just break it off so easily. Do you have any advice?"

"Well, if you're going to go the pansy route, and not have any sex..." Anko rolled her eyes. "Just let her know that last night, you felt a bit uncomfortable. But make sure (And this is important!) that you say so as nicely as you can. And also, let her know that you'd like to get a little bit closer with her before you begin intimacies."

"Okay. But what if all she's interested in is sex?" asked Iruka.

"If that's the case, you have a few options; Either A) give into her desire and have some sex, B) Take her out for dinner, have a romantic evening, and just let things happen on their own, sex or no sex, or C) just go see her tonight, and see where things go."

"Anko, you're a genius." Iruka smiled. "How do you know all this stuff?"

"Years of experience, mostly. That, and time working with interrogations can give you a pretty strong comprehension of psychology, whether in the dungeon, or in the bar." Anko shrugged, though Iruka couldn't for the life of him understand why she spoke this way with such a casual air; like it was nothing. For a helpless loser like him, this was most certainly NOT nothing!

"You should use that." He said.

"Huh?" Anko blinked. "Use what?"

"Your... All this knowledge of dating and psychology, and, and stuff! A lot of people would pay to know how to do things as right as you can!"

"That's ridiculous." Anko laughed. "Who'd actually pay someone for dating advice?" She turned a corner headed to her house. "Good luck tonight, lover boy!"

* * *

"Honestly," Anko chuckled, tossing her coat aside as she stepped into her apartment. "Like I could actually do dating services..." But as she finished kicking her shoes off, the impact of Iruka's idea hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Wait a minute!" She said to herself. "That's BRILLIANT!" And it wasn't dating she knew a lot about; she knew just about everything anyone could possibly want to know about relationships, romance, and sex lives of all age groups, occupations, genders, orientations! To think so poorly of Iruka's original idea made her feel so stupid, and she was looking for some extra folding money lately, so...

"Why not? Could be a lot of fun."

The next three nights, Anko barely got any sleep, as she spent every minute not on duty figuring out the mechanics of her business, the costs to use her various services, rules, etc, in order to create the definitive dating advice service.

Finally, after working her rules to perfection, Anko posted a sign outside her door declaring herself open for business:

_Anko Mitarashi, LD (Love Doctor)_

_If you're having trouble with your social life, love life, and/or sex life, come inside, and speak with the know-all Love Doctor! _

_Dating Aid: 550 Yen_

_Love Life Aid: 1000 Yen_

_Marital Aid: 1550 Yen_

_Sex Life Aid: 3000 Yen_

"That should do it. Now, for some advertising...

* * *

**To Be Continued...?**

**So...! What did you think? Please, leave your thoughts and comments on this pilot, and as I said, let me know what you'd like to see come out of this, should it be fully realized.**

**My thoughts are, if this series happens, it's not going to be a super serious one; not only will it be more of a side project than anything (Still need to make that SE:AMS sequel, you know! :P), but the stories for each chapter will be, for the most part, episodic; in other words, each chapter dealing with different characters, pairings, relationship problems, etc etc. **

**Additionally, and please do NOT get your hopes up on this one, but... I may or may not accept other peoples' OCs to star in these episodes, provided they are created for the Naruto series, and enough information is provided on said character. As I said, though, that's only IF this series becomes a reality, and even if it does, it might not actually happen, depending on whether or not I feel that I can handle it, so please, do not get your hopes up too much about it.**

**Finally, I'd like to wrap up by saying that I hope to hear your thoughts and feelings on this series, as well as what you thought of it, and whether or not you'd like to see more. Again, I can't make this happen if I don't know what your thoughts (beyond whether or not you thought it was good) are on this series, its premise, and what you want to get out of it! And wanting to know what you want from this series is extremely important, because it's not like I exactly have the best-laid plans for what to do in the next chapter :/ That said, I got no plans at all. So... if you have something you want to see happen, please speak up.  
**

**(PS: If there IS more, these relationship issues Anko deals with will be looked into much more closely, so yes, you will get much lemons when she helps out with people's sex lives! :D)**

**I hope to see your thoughts and comments, and here's to another successful lemon series! **

**See you then!**


	2. Important Notice!

**Hey, everyone! So... hate to say this, but Anko Mitarashi: LD currently has no plans for continuation.**

**I do apologize to everyone who is disappointed by this news, and who had been looking forward to seeing this become a full-blown series. However, you can take solace in the fact that this series is not necessarily permanently canceled, and may/will see a continuation on a later time, when I have the inspiration and will to make it come to life. **

**If you're interested in knowing more in-depth reasons for Anko LD's current discontinuation, please visit my new blog, "Anko's Classroom" on Blogspot for more information, as well as information on a series that will probably excite you just as much as Anko LD, esp if you're familiar with my other work, Sex Education: Anko Mitarashi Style. :)**

**Hope to see you there!**


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